November 20, 2009

Deep Thoughts

I usually don't leave my deepest thoughts on my blog, but there's always a first time for everything.

When I was in high school I ran in a big track meet called the Tiger Griz. This was a big meet with lots of big schools and awesome distance runners. It was a cold wet April morning in Idaho. Fifteen to twenty of us toed the line for the 2 mile run- which is 8 laps. The mile was my specialty, but my coach always had me run this race along with the 1/2 mile and sometimes a 4x400. I started out in the back as usual. Then slowly I made my way up passing most everyone. The girl in first place was way, way out there, more than 100 yards ahead of the second place girl- from Firth. I was tired when I came upon her. She was setting a good pace with 3 laps to go. So that's where I stayed. My coach kept encouraging me to pass her and move on- and catch the lead runner. Now there were only 2 laps to go. Still I stayed there behind her. It was a lot of work to pass someone, and look way ahead for someone else to catch. But it was so easy to run off of her energy, just run with her and make myself stay with her. My coach kept telling me to pass her and move on, but I didn't. I was comfortable that I could beat her on the home stretch. Of course things sped up on the last lap. With 200 yards to go things got fast. At the 100 meter mark we were head to head, me on the outside. Then, with 75 yards to go I just blew past her. I got an easy second place at a big meet. I was pretty proud of myself. Now second place is not first place, but it was an easy way to go about enduring the race.

Daniel and I have been married for almost 8 years, and have worked for 6 different ranches, and moved more than twice that many times. We have worked for some great people, and some not so great people. We've been comfortable, and thought the grass was greener on the other side, just to find out that it wasn't, but gained other blessings. Before the ranch we are at now, we were at the worst ranch job and just wanted out. Daniel would do anything to get out, and he did. He went door to door selling security systems this summer. We went with him for most of the time, but I was practically a single mom for almost 5 months. That was a great sacrifice for our family. But because we did that we now have an opportunity to do something that most people who are not given their famly farm or ranch could ever do. With a lot of work and more sacrifice we could have our own place, buy our own small ranch. Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the ranch we are at now. These people are super nice and great to work for. We make an average ranch hand wage, get housing and free beef, our horses eat for free. We can even run some cattle. It's a comfortable place to be- fairly close to both of our families, a good country school for the kids, a great church ward. We've lived in this area most of our married life. We love it here, and are comfortable. I feel like I'm on lap 6 in an 8 lap race and I'm running pretty good, comfortable at least, in second place. Do we make something of ourselves? Go out of our comfort zone to take control of things and shoot for something better? Or do we stay where we are comfortable, just live a simple, easy life as an average ranch hand? Part of me wants to settle for second place- it would be so easy! But what could we have if we moved on? It's been easy up until now to say that we want to have our own place, but now it's reality. We'd have to move to somewhere we could afford, (No, we didn't make millions with APX!) That somewhere is Eastern , or Northern Montana, or even Nebraska. The papers are in at the loan agency. Do I just have cold feet? What's wrong with me? We're trying to live our dream. I guess only time will tell.


Jenn said...

Pray, pray and pray some more...and when you think you are done...PRAY some more!
I understand the need to "find" yourselves...and I am sure that no matter what your decision it will all work out for you!Good luck either way!

Maria Miller said...

I have to agree with Jenn...prayer is an important part of the decision making process. Sometimes instead of asking "What should we do?" it's better to make a decision one way or the other, and then wait for that feeling of confirmation or not. Write down on paper all of the pros and cons of each decision and be sure to weigh long-term as well as immediate benefits.

Without knowing all the details, I say go for ownership. It will be hard at first but you will be working for something that belongs to YOU! You will begin a family tradition. You will have a place that your kids and grandkids will return to. There is a stewardship and responsibility that come with ownership but the potential is only limited by the amount of work you are willing to put into it. I know the last ranch you were at was miserable so think of the pride and satisfaction you and Daniel would feel when looking out over your own land and livestock thinking, "We worked hard for this and now it is ours!!"

I know you will make the decision that is best for your family. Keep us informed. Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Tell Daniel we said "hi!"

Brooke said...

Go for your dream! If you don't do it now u will ALWAYS wonder "what if" There will always be a ranch job or APX (LOL) if u try and fail. But u will never succeed if u dont try. Go get your ranch!

Northern Nickle Clan said...

Summer, awesome thoughts. It's pretty tough to extend yourself. Right now, we're sitting somewhere where I wish we weren't sitting. We are definitely living outside the box. And this year has extended us in ways that I didn't have any idea would be happening. But, along with those REALLY HARD trials (and I mean TOUGH) come the big huge blessings. I'm most certainly not even close to expert level, but I've learned a lot about things like faith, hope, charity, and the tender mercies of God. And my husband and I have become even closer through the midst of them. Gosh, the fact that you're wondering if you want to extend yourself is awesome. I did it because God wanted me to. It fell in my lap. That's the only way I would accept it. Good for you! And good luck in your decision(s)!

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